Beat me down and watch me rise.
Mango slicing
Me: (slicing mango) RAWWRRR OM NOM NOM MUNCHEDY MUNCH MUNCH
Dad: What are you doing?
Me: That's the sound the knife would make if it had a voice.
Because if there are two things I can’t stand, it’s when the people I care about
a) don’t respect me
b) lie to me
(via youjustinspiredme)
"You know, I think all the good things that happen to me are introverts and the bad are extroverts. The bad stuff likes to get out there and look for other bad buddies so they can get together and have one giant party in my life."
- my precocious dear sister
This shouldn’t even be that funny, I don’t know why I’m laughing.
(via thewisepickle)
LOOLLL I love this.
(via thetimpark)
Earthquake prep
Mom: There's a really big earthquake coming.
Me: You mean the one that's been more than 100 years overdue?
Mom: Yeah, that one.
Me: So what should I do when it hits?
Mom: (prayer hands) Say, "Bye-bye, world!"
Dad: Tell Jesus, "I'm coming now!"
Random Quotes → New Girl
(via picturesofyouoth)
Cool story bro. Tell it again.
me: omg
me: so my dad bought me this cheese and herb bread that i really like
me: and i was so excited to go to bed and wake up in the morning and eat it
me: and i actually dreamt about it
me: that's how excited i was
lale: omg
me:
me:
me:
me:
lale: It was all gone? You're keeping me in ridiculous suspense here
me: Oh no, it was still there. There's no twist ending, I was just really excited and had a dream about it.
If I ever saw this, I would cry.
(via thewisepickle)
And the sad thing is, I think I’ve done this before.
